Disciplined
When I started to more fully understand what I’d signed up for in the Spring of 2023 - an intensive 200-hour yoga teacher training in Goa, India – discipline wasn’t the first word that came to mind.
The training schedule began at 6am, with daily meditation and chanting. We’d spend every morning in silence until after breakfast, and Thursdays would be a full day of silence. There was also a rule about the type of pants or shorts that could be worn during yoga practice. That, more than anything, made me think: “this might not be for me.” That signing up for this training might be another example of the many, many times I’ve leapt before I thought things through, or totally understood what I was signing up for.
In the end the training did open my eyes to the possibility of discipline. Not through harsh schedules or strict rules. Our schedule and routine didn’t feel that way in the end. In the end it felt like a blessing. That I got to meet amazing people from around the world, and meditate and chant with them every morning. Sit in companionable silence at breakfast. Sit with myself, and my own inner world. Turns out that I loved silent Thursdays. I loved learning about yoga philosophy, and ayurveda – even if the afternoon classes were a little more sleepy in the April heat in southern India.
Discipline is not something I’d say I’m historically overly acquainted with, but it’s probably fair to say some “peak” moments in my life involved at least some level of it.
Finally finishing my master’s thesis comes to mind. When I think about that woman now, I don’t know if I recognize her – this woman who would wake up at 5am to go to the office early to work on my thesis BEFORE a full day of work.
I don’t remember much discipline being involved during my undergraduate college years, if I’m honest. I was pretty devoted to my social life and the campus activities I was involved in. I got good grades, but I wouldn’t say I was disciplined.
I’ve been dedicated, loyal, attached to many things in my life but not disciplined about many.
The idea of yoga and discipline had been circulating in my mind for years but I honestly probably didn’t have the right word for it until the training. I’ve seen first hand so many times the benefits of a daily or regular yoga practice. By yoga I mean mindful movement that incorporates and works with the breath. Or breathwork alone, or meditation. I fell in love with the physical practice of yoga first but it turned out to be a gateway to something deeper.
What I’ve come to consider about discipline is that it might actually be a path to freedom. Or part of a path to freedom.
Maybe an important lens about discipline has something to do with one of the most meaningful pieces of advice I’ve ever heard, and that is this idea that to play big in life:
we have to be more loyal to our dreams than our fears.*
We could probably be as disciplined about habits and routines that aren’t good for us as we could be about chasing what we truly want. Addiction takes a certain amount of discipline in a way. Keeping our lives insulated takes some discipline. We all do things habitually - I guess the question is if those habits are about our fears or our dreams. About keeping ourselves small or about expansion.
Discipline is not something I’ve been intentional about or thought much about until recent years, but freedom is something that has been on my mind for as long as I can remember. I’m starting to see a correlation between the two.
Discipline can be a channel to move us closer to our true selves, to our dreams. But discipline can also be a tool to punish or control ourselves.
Maybe discipline, like so many things, works best when love is involved. When we act out of self-love, instead of self-beration - that seems more powerful.
It could be that discipline is just one of many tools. We can use discipline to free our mind with things like meal planning and being organized. We can use discipline to free our body, with movement, exercise, and nutrition.
We can use discipline to get ourselves to do stuff we really want to do, even if we are afraid.
It seems to me there is something to the equation of authenticity + discipline / love. With authenticity, we also need discernment. Embracing the ideas and practices and routines that align with our true selves, and letting the rest go. Saving our discipline for what truly matters, not using it blindly or only at the direction of others.
Discipline as a verb comes from Latin disciplina meaning "instruct, educate, train." I’ve never been the biggest fan of being instructed (even by myself) but I do love to learn and even to train in some ways.
Discipline the noun comes from “Old French descepline ‘discipline, physical punishment; teaching; suffering; martyrdom.”
It’s likely I don’t have enough experience with it in my own life to know if discipline is a true ally or enemy to freedom. But I believe I’d like to find out.
Speaking of being more loyal to our dreams, I’m working on a new project. I’d love for you to join. Subscribe to be the first to find out more about Creative Camp.
*From Playing Big, a book and course by Tara Mohr
Dear Laurel, Love reading this post. I take a week off every year to attend a meditation retreat in Plum Village for mindfulness practice. I am happy you discovered the power of yoga or the deeper meaning of yoga.