Feature Friday #3 - Anne Stark Ditmeyer
The year was 2009. The setting was Paris. I don’t remember if there was a reason or a pretense for Anne and me to “grab coffee” or if it was more like: we’re in the same graduate program, you seem cool - want to hang out?
I do remember a quick meetup that went on for hours with lots of talking and merriment.
What stands out about Anne is her energy, her unique perspective, and her seemingly endless supply of ideas and inspiration. When we spoke for this interview we had a chance to discuss Anne’s growing business, including her Mapping Your Path workshops.
We also talked about navigating a sometimes overwhelming world, the importance of working on the self, and the power of the collective. She shared a little bit about her life in Paris and the approach she’s taking with her upcoming book.
Please check out the delightfulness that is this interview with Anne, and listen to parts of the conversation below.
Note: all of the amazing photos in this post were taken by Katie Mitchell Photography.
I would love to talk about your workshop: Mapping Your Path. How it came to be, the evolution of it, and what’s next.
So Mapping your Path is this project that kind of came out of the blue in October 2020, which of course was pandemic times.
During the pandemic, I started running my “Write Your Own Rules Workshop.” It was really amazing how I could have this global community and have people join from all over. And towards the end of the year, I was kind of itching for something else, something more.
I felt like business was slow, I had pivoted towards coaching. I had been part of different things and I saw the potential for something more. And I think I was always scared before then to do something.
So Mapping Your Path is this kind of magical combination of everything I've done in my background from my love of maps from my father, and my eighth-grade world geography teacher in Boise, Idaho, to my very first Skillshare class back in 2013 - which was about map making.
I'm not a professional map maker, but that class, which at the time was launched as a two-week course, is still online years later. I still make money from it. Not a lot, but make money! And that course taught me how much people love maps and that they're a way to bring people together.
And I don't know what it is about them, but they're less perfect than illustration or drawing and they can be a tool for communication. And it's about going somewhere. And especially in 2020, we were ready to go somewhere.
During the pandemic, Creative Mornings and Tina Roth Eisenberg had also invited me to do what they call field trips, which were free virtual workshops online led by people in the community.
That's where the “Make a Map” field trip was born. I had people starting to map on bananas, realizing the joy and delight that can bring.
I was in a year-long coaching program, and I brought up to my coach at the time, Tiffany Han, and I said, hey, I have this idea. And she's like, go for it. So the idea came to me. Two weeks later I launched it, and two weeks later Mapping Your Path started.
So it's years in the making, but in the end, it happened really quickly. And I'm grateful for that because if I tried to get it perfect, it never would have been perfect and it needed to be an experiment.
And that first cohort was just magical and so special, and I realized how much the people brought to it. With my design background, you can't predict behaviors out of people. And then I discovered through running it that it could be so much more than just making maps.
What have been some of the successes with Mapping Your Path? Have there been any unintended outcomes?
For me, it's been this whole journey of discovering that success can mean all these different things. And it's not numbers and metrics, but for me, it's this human element.
“And to be able to see and witness people coming into themselves and lighting up, and taking the pressure off themselves. I never expected my work to be able to do that.”
Also, it's not just me, it's the power of the collective, the power of each other, and being able to witness each other.
We're all kind of mirrors, and that might sound crazy or mysterious or out there, but for me, it's so expansive to be inspired by people in ways we never expected and maybe hadn't experienced before.
It’s all the surprise and delight I have on a daily basis. I've been part of communities where a lot of the leaders sort of said, oh, I check in once a week or twice a week. These are the days. It's strict.
And I'm like, I just want to be hanging out in my community all day, every day! I love these people. I don't think I expected to grow as much as I have through the community.
I'm not done growing and evolving. So I think it's just been a constant surprise and delight. I just feel lit up by what I do. And I couldn't have predicted it. And so I think it was just getting it out there and into the world and letting it evolve naturally as well.
The next Mapping Your Path workshop starts February 3. Learn more.
Last year was a “season of slow” for you, and you’ve written recently about the “discomfort of transformation.” What was that like?
In 2022, my guiding force was the Magic Within You. And it was a very different theme for me than in the past. 2020 had been Explore, and 2021 had been Audacity.
It now makes sense. I'd kind of been building up to it. I'd been playing with Alchemy, but I went with the magic within you. I think that the “within you” part is what made this year very different than it had been before.
Almost once a month I felt like I had what my friend called a “beautiful curveball” from the universe. Nothing so jarring, but just destabilizing.
It was mainly around me learning to have hard conversations that I had avoided in life. My brain understood a lot of it. My body and my nervous system were learning to catch up. So it was almost, as you say in French, régularisation - a balancing out and kind of catching up.
I was having these uncomfortable conversations. I'd always heard Brene Brown talk about sitting in discomfort and I was like, oh, this is the year I'm fully embracing and understanding it! And then there is growth.
It reminds of how several years ago a friend in the UX world told me she has a post-it that says:
“I'm uncomfortable = I'm growing.”
Then last summer, in June, I got COVID.
That knocked me out and slowed me down. I already felt like I had been slowing down and so much of the world around me had been changing. A lot of friends have had babies in recent years. A lot of friends have moved.
“I trust that I'm on the right path.”
The pandemic has been a reset for a lot of people. During the summer, late summer, I really started to feel a change. I felt like everybody around me is changing and moving, doing something, and I feel it happening in me. I don't know what it is or where it is or when it's happening, but I trust that I'm on the right path.
It was this balance between trusting and knowing that there's more and learning a whole lot of patience. So it was getting even more uncomfortable. Between the hard conversations, it was also things not happening when I thought they should or were supposed to.
That summer I was on a trip, and I ended up writing a blog post shortly after called The Discomfort of Transformation. I realized that nobody ever talks about this stuff.
I felt like I was in a cocoon, like in a chrysalis, and I could again feel this change, but I couldn't tell how far away the walls were or how it was going to evolve.
I was collecting puzzle pieces, and I didn't really have the language to describe it. And on top of all this, though, luckily there was my “magic within you” and I started to see magic.
During my trip to Istanbul, the first day there I end up in a carpet shop. I had zero desire to buy your carpet. I have a small Paris apartment.
There's no room, but the next thing I know, I buy this carpet, and it gets shipped to Paris. As soon as I unroll it, it fits perfectly in my space. It ties it together and it kind of becomes a domino for me, transforming my space.
I start working on another project, all sorts of things. Throughout the year, I ended up seeing “street wisdom” which is something founded by David Pearl in the UK. It's about looking for insights in the world around you.
All year I'd see hearts, or I see the number 1111, which is kind of a magic number, or I just keep seeing these signs repeated every day.
“It was necessary to remind myself that two things can be true at once. Things can be hard and there can be magic.”
So there was also this magic and I think it was necessary to remind myself that two things can be true at once. Things can be hard and there can be magic, and we can be growing and we can do this. It's more than two things, but a natural evolution. But nothing that anybody had ever warned me about or prepared me for.
What are you looking forward to this year?
Going into 2023, I feel really excited. I had all these curveballs and twists and turns and uncomfortable conversations. But by the end of the year, instead of fearing them, I was like, okay, bring it on! What's my test for this month? What am I going to learn from it?
Because for me, so much of this journey is learning to see our patterns and break them. The patterns that I'm talking about are not necessarily supportive. They keep us stuck, but they're comfortable.
Last year, I started to see myself grow and I was like, this is kind of fun. So I’m embracing the spirit of “bring it on” and reminding myself that we can shift the energy at any time.
I feel like I learned a whole lot and I'm ready and excited to take it into the new year.
Anne’s theme song for 2023. So good, had to share.
I know it’s still in progress, but I’m excited to hear more about the book you’re writing.
I got back from my trip to Istanbul. It was an amazing trip, but also forced me to face a lot of different things. I just needed to keep cocooning a little bit more. And as I was cocooning, I noticed myself wanting to write.
And I've started several book projects over the years, but have been scared to do something with them. They weren't ready.
I got a keyboard for my iPad. I would go sit in a cafe every day for an hour. There was no pressure. It was a wonderful experience!
I didn't have an outline. I just started writing. And then I gave myself a silly deadline of, oh, I need to have a first draft by the time I go to London. It was arbitrary.
I actually designed it and had it printed on Lulu. I have a background in graphic design. Ironically, I have a Master’s in Publications Design as well. But I never actually designed a book before. It was a fun exercise.
I still don't know what it's going to be, and if it's going to evolve.
I'm sitting with it, and kind of not trying to control it. In the past, I've tried to control things or know what's going to happen. So, it could totally change.
The little bits and pieces I've shared, people seem to like it. A lot of it is very much inspired by the conversations that happen in Mapping Your Path, or what I find myself repeating in conversations that I say to others.
“The book is kind of about showing up in the world in a different way.”
It's all the lessons that I've learned in Mapping Your Path, but also in my own life - and things I wish I had learned in school and learned in life to take forward.
So we'll see. Astrologically, it's supposed to be a good year for me to publish something! I kind of joke that I might have five books come out at once because I have a lot of things started.
My goal is to create pocket-sized books that are super easy to digest, that are inspiring and that people can travel with.
Because I love to read physical books, and don’t want something too heavy to carry with me on a trip. I also want to create books that people want to keep looking back at and refer to and they learn something, but also feel lighter.
Every business book is so damn thick, it's like they're trying to prove themselves. So I'm working on, how can I say a lot in a little. I think it's actually harder to write short than write long.
You’ve lived in Paris for a while now. How has your relationship with the city changed?
Going way back, both my parents traveled extensively before they got married. It's kind of in their blood. Traveled to 46 states in the US. Traveled a lot around Europe. I've been in Paris on and off since 2001 when I studied abroad and have been here since 2009 when I came for grad school.
I started my blog in 2007 (Prêt à Voyager), and it’s about the intersection of travel and design … and Paris.
Paris very much got linked to my identity. And to be honest, I think for the past few years I've been trying to unhook my identity from Paris.
I love Paris. I love wandering the streets of Paris. It inspires me daily. But there's something about people with rose-colored glasses wanting it for themselves, projecting onto me that has always rubbed me the wrong way.
I had a column on my blog in the early days of moving here called Unglamorous Paris because I wanted to share the realities. And I always enjoyed sharing funny stories. I call them alternative narratives where it's like something really good, but it's also the reality of bureaucracy and paperwork. And so I had to have humor through it all too.
“It's not complaining, but it's not some charmed life.”
I worked really hard to get here and I think that people saw me as different or special. It was hard work. Anybody can do it - but I’m not going to say it's always fun.
I love that Paris is something that attracts people to me and my work or my social media and that I can hook them and then kind of help them in different ways beyond just Paris.
When I was giving tours of Paris, my goal was always to help people get off the beaten track, explore the city according to their own interests, see something different, and have a cultural understanding. To enjoy and embrace a mundane moment.
There are a lot of parallels in what I'm doing in the rest of my work. So it's been incredibly inspirational and aspirational.
Paris is amazing, but sometimes there are tourists everywhere and there are certain things that are frustrating. Sometimes I think it's because I know it too well that it's more challenging.
In the past year or two, I've learned to kind of play with energy and have also paid attention to how I show up. I had become standoffish because the French were a little bit more standoffish. And I have really wonderful encounters with locals and shop people these days.
It's been really interesting. Paris is great, but also challenging. As my friend Jenni says, “Anne, I know you love France, but you really love a challenge.”
Can you tell me about a moment that stopped you in your tracks? A pivotal moment or a time you had to change direction?
I'm not sure if it was one moment. It was more like a long, slow, hard turn.
When my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, that was a good little wake-up call for me to ask: am I doing what I want to be doing in life?
I was already grateful that I had created this life with a lot of flexibility in my life. I'd been working as what I call a faux freelancer.
I pretty much had one steady contract with two different organizations at different points, but I wasn't totally doing my own thing. The first one was a little toxic. The second one helped me grow so much, and I was really glad that I had taken a step away from the first one into the second one just to help me be a little bit aligned.
It was after I lost my mom and after that contract ended that I had to take the next step for really doing my own thing, which became going into coaching and eventually running the workshops, which I do feel is so aligned with what I want to be doing.
It's hard to make changes. And I think a lot of times we have to wait for the rock bottom to shake us out of our state.
For me, it was the gradual steps of diagnosis to her passing and even just the gratitude I had for being able to take that time and space to process everything.
I won't say it went better than I expected. But it really allowed me to continue to look inwardly, which I think I had been afraid to do before.
What does freedom mean to you?
I don't like that the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this question is around work. But, coming to grad school in Paris, I really learned that I love the freedom of having my own schedule and setting my own time.
In the US. I was working as a graphic designer for architects. I had ten vacation days a year. French people look at me like I'm crazy because it's five to nine weeks here.
So being able to have that schedule, a lot of flexibility. I stayed up really late in grad school because I could, and now I've kind of, like, reversed that.
I put my own parameters on my day so I can enjoy my schedule. Go for my walk each day. Usually listening to a podcast, sometimes listening to nothing, sometimes talking to a friend. For me, it's also being able to book a trip ten days out, if I want.
The pandemic for me was a moment of gratitude. I'm so grateful I've done all the things I've wanted to at this point. Instead of saying “when this happens” or “when I retire, I'll do this.” I've gotten to enjoy life along the way, and that's really important for me.
I do not have kids or a partner that “ties me down.” And I don't see that as tying you down. But for me, it's also my rebellion and resistance to be able to follow my curiosities and follow my whims and be able to do the things that light me up.
It's really important. We think we can't do these things because we've never seen somebody else do it.
“A lot of my role in life, I think, is to override how things have always been done and say ‘hey y’all, there's another way.’”
If you're jealous of me, maybe it's something that you actually want for yourself, but you don't allow it.
We don't have to work in the grind all the time. We don't have to work all the time. The less I work, the more I get done. And I hate that productivity language, but the more effective I am. The more impact I can make, is really what's happening. And just the more enjoyment and pleasure and delight in my days and how I'm spending my time.
What are some of the important moments in your story?
Studying abroad in Paris in 2001. I arrived two days before 9/11. My mom had studied abroad in Vienna, and I knew that was very shaping for her experience.
But the thing about that semester was all my courses were in my professors’ homes and then out in the world. So we'd meet for tea and cookies at the start of class at my professor's home, and look at slides in her living room. I had a French Gardens class, and an impressionism class with her, two separate classes. And then we'd go out into the world.
“I learned that the city is my classroom, and that inspired me so much.”
My second semester abroad, my third year in college was on Semester at Sea. Thirteen countries around the world in three and a half months.
And that sounds so much more extravagant. But for me, the two are parallel about getting out into the world and seeing and experiencing things. It took me a long time to realize I could integrate that into the work I was doing because it felt too fun or it didn't feel like a “real job.”
That has been hugely motivating.
Losing my mom. Moving to France. Those were other moments.
There's the unspoken one of just deciding to work on myself. I feel like I got that memo late in life. In my late thirties. I didn't know to do this. I judged therapy because I had not grown up with it in my family.
Doing the self-work is the most empowering and exciting thing ever, and just makes life more interesting. Being able to change the narratives in my head and realizing it's not an overnight change, but over time, and realizing it's all part of a bigger evolution.
Do you have a favorite book or podcast you recommend?
I like to call myself the resource queen. I have a million books and podcasts and things I watch. I'm always sharing my newsletter as a way to kind of process them.
I find that so many of my interests have evolved over time with myself, so I'm getting into different curiosities.
My all-time favorite is Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering: How We Gather and Why it Matters.
Love anything by Brené Brown.
I enjoy reading biographies these days. I'm very spiritually curious. It was a side of things that I never, ever imagined for myself, but it's just another tool in the toolkit and learning to tune into my intuition.
Love the Expanded Podcast by Lacey Phillips and To Be Magnetic.
I enjoy Sonia Choquette’s work and podcast It's All Related.
We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, her sister Amanda, and her wife Abby Wambach is another favorite podcast of mine.
My interests run the gamut. It’s really important for me to stay diversified in what I'm consuming.
Two books that I reread every year are The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, one of the rare fiction books I get into. And Tara Mohr’s Playing Big.