Intangible Legacies
Getting older is a shitty business. There I said it. Sure, there are perks. Like getting wiser. Knowing your own mind, and your own stance on this weird world as well as everything in it. Having more perspective on life, and more experience. You’ve seen a thing or two, done a thing or two. If you’re lucky, learned a lot along the way. If you’re really lucky loved a lot along the way, and been loved.
It’s funny how time sneaks up on you, and by funny I mean cruel. A man I worked for once told me life is a “tragic comedy.” I believe it in some ways.
Time has snuck up on me a lot recently. All of a sudden it’s my 20th high school reunion for example. I’m taking that in stride, and as one should - with strong denial and a flat RSVP of “no.”
Another way time tricked me lately was during a job interview process. I met with a woman who had 17 years of experience. When I read her credentials, I thought to myself “oh good, she’ll know what she’s doing - I can probably learn a lot from her.” Only to realize later, I myself now have 16 years of experience. And that I still don’t know what I’m doing.
I share all this knowing that if I feel this way about aging and time as I approach mid-life I can only imagine (or is it can’t even imagine) the perspective from later in life.
I come from a long line of adventurers. Ok, that might be a lie. But only because I don’t know much about my “line.” And it sounds better than saying I come from a short line of adventurers, which might be closer to the truth.
It’s funny the things that run in families. Physical traits. The color of your hair, your eyes. How likely you are to go bald. Predisposition to illness or disease. The shape and size of your nose and ears, for better or for worse. Your body shape, how tall you are. We know that all these things are largely determined by our genes, and we probably think about these commonalities at least every once in a while. Every time I get my nails done and the technicians compliment my long nails, I always say “I get them from my mother.”
I don’t know how much we think about the non-physical side of what we inherit from our families. Or at least I never did until recently. Some of it, I’m sure, is from what we call the nurture side. The fact that I sometimes have a problem with authority and that I value independence almost more than anything is in no doubt at least partly because I was raised by entrepreneurs who have chased a few dreams.
But I’m starting to believe these less tangible things are inherited from more than just the environment we grow up in. I’m starting to believe things like an independent spirit, a sense of adventure, and the love of a good story can run in families - the same way hair color does.
I wrote this in January 2020, on a flight from California to Florida to visit my parents and see my grandparents. My grandfather was about to turn 85, and I was thinking about age and life, how we measure our days, and the intangible legacies we leave behind. My short line of adventurers starts with my Grandpa Hal. Grateful that, three years later, we’re all still here and doing well.